an unforseen obstacle

I have entered a language dead zone. I still can't speak Thai, and my English is starting to slip.  No, really. After nearly nine months of seriously limited face-to-face interactions with native speakers, I guess this fate was inevitable. I slow my pace with every conversation, dumb-down my vocabulary a little bit more everyday, and, at times, use only my increasingly exaggerated gestures and a punctuated grunt to get a point across.  As I lay here in bed, struggling to compose complete, coherent sentences, I have to wonder: will my linguistic prowess ever get back up to speed?

An example: I was in Koh Samet a few weeks ago, and a group of travelers wanted to get on our song taew in the middle of the road.  The driver shook his head. "Mai dai, mai dai," he said, can't do, can't do.  These travelers obviously didn't understand what the man was saying-- they were British, after all-- and tried to hop on. I turned to them, shook my head and waved my hands; "can't do, can't do!" I said, over and over again, baffled as to why they were giving me the same confused look that they had just given the driver.  After a solid few seconds, the nice bloke rather wisely asked, "You mean we can't get on the song taew here?"  Aha! Complete thoughts and sentences! So that's what they were looking for! "Oh.. haha.." I replied. "Right. No, you can't get on the song taew here. You have to go up the road."

As we pulled away and I replayed the scene over again in my head, I realized: I had just spoken English to English speakers like a Thai person might. Forget fretting over comma splices and colon placement-- I was forgoing complete sentences. Sigh. It was quite a devastating realization for a former English major and shameless lover of words. Do you think there's any sort of ex-pat support group for this sort of thing? Seeking tips/words of wisdom/guidance that will help me through this dark time.

With love and a tied tongue,
Anna

some things

In honor of Father's Day, I've written a blog post.  It has nothing to do wtih my father (hi, dad! i love you! I miss you!), but he is without a doubt this blogs biggest support and advocate.  Horrah for dads!

Well, I've been here for eight-and-a-half months now (!!!!!), and I've finally hit the point where thoughts like "ugggh, if this were America..." have all but vanished.  When I was in Bangkok this weekend, though, walking up and down the aisles of the Siam Paragon grocery store (it's frankly unbelievable how many Western goods they have there), just gazing at condiments, I realized: there's no place like home.  I'll always find comfort in decidedly American things, I think.  And that's okay-- because I love Thailand, too!  Below you'll find some things I miss and some things I love.  I tried to keep this list pretty material-- friends, family, speaking English and other more obvious things have not been included-- as to avoid long, emotional tirades about both Thailand and the states.  Below, my top few things, in no particular order.


Some Things I Miss About America:

My car. 
It may be a politically incorrect gas guzzling machine, but I miss those smooth leather seats.

Watching TV on a TV, rather than a 13 inch computer screen.
 My eyes hurt.

Seasons.
Remind me why a girl with frizzy Jewish hair, a die-hard love for sweaters and very active sweat glands chose to live in a tropical climate?

Bagels and shmear
I never knew how much the Kenyon bookstore spoiled me.

Affordable wine
Not only is wine here insanely expensive, it's also insanely bad. Alas.


Affordable cheese
As you may have suspected, there arent too many wine-and-cheese nights happening over here.

Bookstores
My favorite city escapes have yet to find a suitable replacement.

Whole grains
The Thai belief that white is beautiful apparently also applies to their taste buds.


Fresh vegetables/salads
Sweetgreen, I long for you.

Yoga classes
Or any movement class that involves people telling me what to do.


Tank Tops
 Ah, bare shoulders in hot weather. Poor guys don't see much sun over here.

My home refridgerator on Saturdays and Sundays
Though my home fridge is always stocked-- I'd venture to say its the best refrigerator in the world-- its especially awesome on weekends, when its full of Shabbat dinner left-overs. My fridge here is poorly-stocked a mini fridge. Again-- alas.


Anonymity
Though I've gotten used to the stares, and the starers have largely gotten used to me,  I am still an absolute freak here.  I was at a som tom shop down the street a few weeks ago, and overheard two older woman-- who were complete and utter strangers, as far as I knew-- talking about me in Thai.  They knew where I lived and where I taught. Creepy? Juust a little.


Some Things I Love About Thailand:

The country-wide obsession with food
 Instead of saying, "what's up?" or "how's it going?" you say "gin kao?" ( literally, "have you eaten rice yet?").  It's like living in a land full of Jewish mothers: nothing makes people here happier than when you eat.

 The lack of sterility
Though this is also sort of disgusting at times, I have to say that it's pretty awesome to walk into a run down shop and chow down on delicious food.  It has made me realize how scared Americans are of... everything.  Lets ignore the fact that I have gotten food poisoning three times over since last October.


Lateness
Everyone here is always late. Always. I've moved to the right place.


"Teacher, beautiful!"
I am told at least five times a day that I am beautiful.  No, my students don't know how to say anything else.  Yes, I'm going to choose to believe they really think that, anyway.

Availability of hot dogs
Thai people love hot dogs.  Hot dogs are literally in and on everything you can imagine-- pretzels, pizza crusts, sticks, plastic bags.  I dont really like hot dogs all that much, but it's a pretty hilarious nation-wide love affair.

Smiles
Turns out that "the land of smiles" isn't just an hyperbolic expression made up the the Thai bureau of tourism.

Chai Yenn
Thai iced tea. YUM.

Noodles
There are what seems like a billion different types of noodles and ways to cook them. It is.. awesome.

The heat
... in the food.

The fruit
Fruit here tastes like someone took a syringe and injected sugar in it. It's always fresh and always really cheap-- I'm talking 75 cents for a whole watermelon.

Thai kisses
Though I am yet to receive one (sigh),  Thai kisses are perhaps the sweetest of all kissing varieties Sorry, Eskimo and butterfly.  They involve a press of the lips and a gentle inhale--no smack, just a little wiff of the person you love.

The abundance of ice
Most Thai desserts have ice in them; beer is sipped with ice; there's a shop down my street that makes and sells only ice. Yes, it's everywhere, yes, it's bad for your molars, and yes, it's perfect in this weather.

Pay-it-forward mentality
The tit-for-tat mentality just doesn't really exist here. As long as you give, you can take-- and people give a lot.



America, I miss you. Thailand, I don't miss you... yet.

Love
Anna

Isaan has made the news! (for better or worse)

Here's an article from today's New York Times that talks about some of the same issues I addressed in my last post:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/24/world/asia/24thai.html?ref=global-home

an example of why I should not write history textbooks; a characteristically long-winded approach

Let be start by saying that, right now, things in Ubon and throughout most of Thailand are quiet-- eerily so. There is a twice extended curfew in place here, banning anyone from being outside between the hours of 9 p.m. to 5 a.m, and we are still under emergency rule, meaning that there cannot be gatherings of more than five people, that media that "incites panic or violence" can be limited by the government and that soldiers and police can use more force (read: shooting on sight) against protesters. And despite that fact that I live deep, deep in Red Shirt country, Red Shirts are no longer showing themselves anymore. Business are closing at 6 or 7 o'clock, making it difficult to get dinner at any sort of normal hour, and the jogging, aerobics, and soccer and basketball games that happen around the city come dusk.  After 9 o'clock, when our curfew begins, the streets are literally silent-- no motor bikes zooming by, no sounds of drunken laughter coming from the shops on the street, no dinging of bicycle bells-- as everyone is locked indoors.  There are soldiers around, too, during that day and at night, blocking off streets, sitting outside gas stations and at noodle shops, a quiet but noticeable presence.

That is not to say that this curfew is without merit, though: the charred, ghost-like remains of what was our city hall-- a beautiful structure three blocks from my apartment that overlooked Ubon's central park, and held the archives and history of this city-- serves as a constant reminder that while the movement here has been quieted, it has not been quelled.

As with all things political, this red vs. yellow vs. whoknowswhatcolors conflict is extremely complicated. It dates back far before my time here, so, like everyone else, I've been playing historical catch-up. Admitedly, my perspective is more red than yellow, not because I support one or the other (really, I don't!), but because of my location in the country; I haven't really heard the yellow perspective, because, well, there just really aren't many around these parts.  I will not assert an opinion about "how the yellows feel," because I really do not know. With that in mind, here is a very brief synopsis of the situation as I understand it:
  

in 2006, a there was a military-led coup d'état that was put in motion to oust the then-prime minister Thaksin Shinawatra on the claim of corruption.  Coup d'états are no foreign thing here in Thailand: there have been seven coups in since 1971, and three failed coups (see here for a complete list). And while this coup was peaceful, it was definitely not constitutional, and took out of power a highly controversial and extremely popular leader just a month before national elections. During his time in office, Thaksin implemented programs that give more assistance to farmers/rural poor than had ever been given before, making him wildly popular in the northern and northeastern areas of the country.  He is an unlikely hero of the rural poor (he owns a European football club and is worth hundreds of billions of dollars), but a hero nonetheless, and the Red Shirts have not forgiven the current government for his removal. It's important to note that none of the people in government now were (openly or admittedly) involved in the coup; elections were held, and the current Prime Minister, Abhisit Vejjajiva, was elected, though this is somewhat disputed by the UDD's. Everyone is accusing everyone else of skimming off the top, of corruption, of neglect; frankly, I have no idea who has done what, and don't really think that there is any way of knowing.  In terms of spewing propaganda and "facts," it's a tit-for-tat battle between these two parties, and, as always, the "truth" is nearly impossible to discern.

There have three major waves of protests against the current government lead by the National United From of Democracy Against Dictatorship (UDD, or "red shirts") since the 2006 coup: in 2008, 2009 and, the largest, in 2010. The current protests (I use the word current careful, for while there are no active protests at the moment, this blogger obviously does not think they can yet be talked about in past tense) began in early March after Thaksin was found guilty for various money laundering crimes.  Thousands of people, mostly from the north and the northeast, made their way to Bangkok in the middle of hot season to protest what they saw as more than an unjust verdict: for them, it was emblematic of an unjust government. I believe it is at this point that the UDD's really moved beyond Thaksin. They set up the now notorious Red Shirt encampment, and made make-shift homes.


IN OTHER WORDS, this storm has been brewing for quite some time.  I was politely told in November, when I wore yellow to school on a Monday (yellow has traditionally been worn on Monday to show love and support for the king; it is also incidentally the color of the current political party) that "I wouldn't wear yellow here if I were you"-- far before any of the publicized rallies began. The Red Shirts believe that the current government is corrupt, unjust, suppressive, dictatorial and, above all, illegitimate; the yellow shirts believe that the reds are merely a pawn in Thaksin and his allies' schemes, that they've been duped by the Red Shirt leaders, and then there are thousands of Thais who stand in the middle.  Let me make this clear: This movement has moved passed Thaksin.  While some Red Shirts are still fighting to get Thaksin back in government, I'd say that the majority (here, at least) don't necessary want or expect for Thaksin to be in, but want the current government out.


So, in the eyes of most Red Shirts, all that the latest government crackdown did was give them more reason to loathe the government.  Now, in addition to seeing them as a body who gives money to the rich and a pittance to the poor, they are also a party who kill innocent, peaceful protesters, doing whatever they like, whenever they like.  Both parties are growing increasingly factioned, as well-- there are pro-loyalists and anti-loyalists, yellow shirts who are pro-Abhisit and yellow shirts who are anti-Abhisit, red shirts who are for violence and those who are against it... and everything in between.

In the past week and a half, I have not been living in the Thailand I have come to know and love (see: above photo).  I have seen burning tires and cars, trucks full of red-shirted, masked protesters and belligerent voices blasted from radios and megaphones. Thai's are a reserved and quiet people, and this conflict has not changed that, so garnering specific information has been difficult.   I do know that my most beloved colleagues and friends here, the kindest and most peaceful people I know, have told me that "a wave is under the water," that the fight has not yet been fought, and that they, too, hate the government-- now more than ever.  I'm not sure what to expect, just how big this wave will be, or if and when it will hit.  This conflict has devastated this divided country, both reds and yellows alike; let's hope that from this mutual sense of loss and sadness, a peaceful middle ground can be found, and that my predictions and fears will prove sorely misguided!!

With love for and from Thailand,

Anna

Ps. I took all of these photos here in Ubon; the first two are of a protest I uhh stumbled upon while walking to dinner last week (I really had no idea it was going on-- a causality of not being able to understand any news source here), and the last is of tires that were lit on on fire outside of city hall last weekend. I was safe in a car when I took that one.

we interrupt this broadcast...

i know i was in the middle of telling you about all the awesome gallivanting i've been doing, but i want to write a quick word about the unrest that is happening in thailand at the moment.  i'm in the middle of composing a more thorough and polished piece about my experiences/feelings/etc., but for now please know that i am safe and promise to be vigilant. it's unclear now what direction this is going in-- hopefully we are at a climax point and things will start to lose momentum soon, but because it is such a grassroots movement, it's extremely difficult to ascertain how much money, support and power the red shirts have.  i live deeeeeeep in red shirt country (as my colleagues joke, i'm constantly surrounded by red shirts, as the teachers whose desks are behind, in front of and next to mine support the cause), and i really just can't tell how far this will go.  but again, i'm being careful and looked after by fulbright and my school and do realize the gravity of the situation. more than anything right now, i feel truly devastated; it is tragic to watch a country i have come to love so much spiral into such dispair. so i ask you: please keep thailand in your thoughts, prayers and wishes; may it return to peace soon.

with love from and for thailand,
anna

adventures in wonderland(s)

i finished my first semester of teaching (!) in mid-march, packed up my bags, and hit the road for a two-and-a-half months adventure. a few pictures to wet you apetite; more to come later this week when my internet is (hopefully) being less dysfunctional:

first, i headed down south to koh tao to learn how to scuba dive. i got both my open water and advanced licenses (....though i planned to only get the first license, i ended up staying a few more days to get my second. oops?), and fell in love with the sport. the night dive was my favorite-- so peaceful! sarah, center, was my instructor, and mike, right, was the only other person in my open water group. 


next, i went up to chiang mai to cosa, a home for girls who have sexually exploited, abused, or are at risk for trafficking in the sex industry. there, myself and 5 other fulbrights taught dance, painting and yoga classes. we even indulged full-on high school style and took the girls for a bowling and pizza day at a mall in the city. thanks to all those who donated to the workshop-- it really was a wonderful success. for more on cosa, go to: http://www.cosasia.org/

next up.......... india! brace yourself for the next post.

the end of an era

It is the end of an era: as of this time tomorrow, I will have said goodbye to this sweet, hot, broken-down home and welcomed the joys of modernity. Yep, that's right: as of tomorrow I will again be living with ac, wifi and even a hot shower in a brand spankin' new apartment.

Don't get me wrong: I am admittedly quite excited about the change, especially considering we have officially launched into the hot season here in Warin and its an average of 38 degrees C almost every day. Living without ac on the second floor of a westward facing room with no tree coverage is pretty much torture for a wimpy farang like myself. The strange smells that this glorious little house holds within its walls are becoming increasingly potent as the numbers on the thermometer rise, as have the bugs, geckos (which I have sort of come to adore) and assorted other creepy-crawlies. In addition to the fact that the temperature is on the rise, all of the animals seem to be in heat too, making for some, uuuhhh, interesting noises all through the night. And, while I really do love Joi, it has been a liiiitle bit of a roller-coaster ride the past few months (briefly: her aunt moved in; aunt's family of 5 moved in on weekends; Joi's many boyfriends moved in and out while boyfriend 1 was on vacation; I still couldn't speak Thai; Joi left on weekends; aunt and family stayed here; Joi develops eating disorder... but this all for another post entirely).

That being said, it was by no means an easy choice to leave my dilapidated abode. Aside from the convenience of living across the soccer field from school, there is a certain beauty about a life without many modern conveniences. From depending more on books than the internet to pass the time, to sweating through the heat and letting your body do the cooling, to the moment when your body shifts from feeling that holy-shit-this-is-the-coldest-shower-ever to this-is-sort-of-refreshing-actually, to the view of the moon I get from my bed, to the moment, every...single... day... when you wake up at dawn because the roosters told you to: these are all things I have been fortunate to experience here. These physical barriers have exhausted me, challenged me, isolated me and frustrated me... but they have equally pushed my boundaries and my limits, given me faith that I can live with much less comfort than I previous imagined, and have, really, largely defined my existence in the past few months.

Ah well, the time has come. Goodbye, house. Goodbye, moon. Hello, next adventure!

Love as always,

Anna

Ps. Sorry for the lack of photos/videos on the blog. Despite the kindness of my neighbor (who unwittingly let me steal internet from time-to-time), the connection just isn't good enough to upload anything that big. Hopefully I'll be able to make up for lost time in the new digs!